Yeah, ‘Nauts

Summer’s here and it’s bathing suit weather! But did you wait a little too long to get in shape? Do you look in the mirror, ladies, and say: “I just wish my butt were just a bit less toned?” And guys: how many of us want to turn that six-pack into a rock-hard four-pack? We hear you! Like millions of Americans, you’re struggling to put on those niggling extra five pounds. Maybe you want just a bit more chin, or a little more around the belly — but without sacrificing taste! Well, never fear!!! Because Gastronauts Ltd., Inc. LLC has developed a remarkable, scientifically tested, fat-inducing plan that’s going to change your life! Even better: It’s tailored to your tastes and specially made — just for YOU! Listen to what one satisfied customer has to say: “The menu is great. I can’t believe how they heightened the fattiness while keeping it so light!” says Mr. Kim, of New York. That’s right, folks! Gastronauts Ltd., Inc. LLC (in conjunction with the cutting-edge culinary professionals at Goattown and Resto) have come up with a once-in-a-lifetime offer: a four-course dinner with all the trimmings, literally! It’s a unique experiment in fat and flavor from Chef Robert Hellen formerly of Resto and you can’t find it anywhere else! In fact, Dr. Nicholas Morgenstern is so convinced of the remarkable performance of this meal that that he’s generously shutting down Goat Town, his East Village laboratory, for a special, one-time dining experience! And you won’t believe the results! From avocado and cured mackerel to goat confit to bone-marrow croutons, it’s four courses so fat-tastically light and flavorful, you won’t even realize as the pounds just magically appear! “I can’t believe it!” says Ms. Hershkowitz of San Francisco. “It’s exactly what I’ve been looking for! If only we had something like this out in California.” Sorry, Alexis — this remarkable deal is only for New Yorkers! But it’s not on TV, you can’t order it online, and you can’t get it sitting on your couch at home!!! And, wait … that’s not all! Included in the low, low price is all the wine and beer you can drink! So, RSVP now and we’ll help you pour on the pounds! RSVP now for this limited offer! You won’t want to miss this once-in-a-lifetime dining experience! RSVP now! Seats are going FAST! (Gastronauts Ltd., Inc. LLC is not responsible for any low self-esteem, inebriation, or pant-splitting that may occur as the result of this dinner. See our ad in Health & Fitness magazine for more details.)