Hola, Nauts!

Back when we were pimply faced middle schoolers, the place we begged our parents to take us and then leave us alone was that gleaming temple of suburban consumerism known as The Mall. Being there meant freedom, flirting, and for many of us, the first taste of Panda Express. Of course, we eventually grew up, finished middle school, moved to New York, and realized that malls were the worst thing ever invented (likewise, Panda Express).

But roots is roots, as they say. And thus, to kick off a forward-thinking new year, we’re going back home again — to the mall … in Passaic, New Jersey. Just kidding about that last part.

We are, however, really going to a mall, just not the shiny and sparkly kind. The place we’re going is an unkempt and ramshackle, neon-lit basement in a random building in Flushing, filled with Chinese food stalls, steaming hot pots, crowded people sitting on stools, hunched over a bowl of pulled noodles, vendors hawking duck heads, lamb face, chicken hearts, and all the best and nastiest bits of Chinese cuisine from Tianjin in the Northeast to Sichuan in the South. This ain’t no Panda Express. It’s delicious. Yes, we’re going to Flushing’s Golden Mall. Chefs from Anthony Bourdain to Fuchsia Dunlop have said that the ramshackle Golden Shopping Mall in Flushing, Queens, is “just like being in China.”

To the startled regulars at Golden Mall, we’ll look like Mongol hordes descending in a raiding party. But, that’s what you’re supposed to do for the Year of the Horse anyway, right? We’ll be guided by our good friend Joe DiStefano, of Chopsticks and Marrow, expert in all things eaten in Queens. But this time, there are no tables, no reserved seating, no little menus waiting for you. Instead, we’ll simply arrange you in packs, give you a map of the subterranean food labyrinth, a check list of what to eat, and send you on your way. Because there are many of you, you’ll be able to taste your way through most of the place.