Gastros — It’s been donkies since a last saw ye!”

We thought about getting a real Scot to serenade you and invite you to our next dinner. But, it turns out that when Scots really get going speaking Scottish what they say is utterly and completely incomprehensible (NSFW, but no one can understand it anyway). It seems they’re only fully intelligible to the rest of us when they are proving that they are the worlds greatest effing cursers. (NSFW) Just listen to grandpa cursing out the dog. (NSFW)

Their language is so thick, you can’t even understand them when they are declaring their love for this month’s dish: Haggis. But you don’t need to. One bite of this offalliest loveliness will convince you that you don’t need to know particular words: The sounds aren’t the growling of a rabid hound in a boggy swamp. No, what you’re listening to are swoons of love.

Since no Scot can tell you what’s in a haggis—well they can, but you won’t understand it—here’s a recipe:

Sheep’s heart
Sheep lungs
Sheep liver (cleaned by a butcher)
Sheep tongue
Beef bung
3 cups finely chopped suet

And then it goes on from there. It makes for an amazing dinner and we have found a gorgeous little Scottish place in the West Village for you that makes the best haggis on the east coast. So, put on your plaid winter suits and join us for this month’s dinner.