Heya Gastros!

It’s December and for New Yorkers that generally means we’re already thinking about next year: where to eat, drink, and how to avoid the 5th Avenue Circle of Hell, aka Trump’s Tower of Traffic Troubles.

But, as we segue into a post-truth political era, where fake news is as good as the real thing, we here at Gastronauts have been thinking about our own tall tails: quite literal cock-and-bull stories. Given that we’re going to swallow all kinds of bull for the foreseeable future, we figured we might as well go for broke. Nose to the other tail, as it were.

Seeing as 2017 is the Year of the Rooster, aka…., in the Chinese zodiac, and there’s soon going to be a 35% tariff placed on soup dumplings and Peking duck, we figured best to get in while the getting’s good. So we asked Uncle Zhou of the eponymously named restaurant to do his best. He’s a master of Henan cuisine, a sort of Shanghai-meets-Sichuan style of cooking. And with his help, we’ve put together a remarkable dinner — cold platters of chicken hearts and lamb nuts, an extremely special carrot stew, and a special treat we’re cocksure you’ll like.

So please come celebrate this wonderful past year with us…. Nah, screw that. Let’s just eat some balls and dicks, drink some Henan moonshine, and give a good hearty fucktheewell to the shitstorm that was 2016.